Lost Songs

She had been a powerful woman. Her cocktail parties had once been were the movers and shakers made their deals. Then she had turned reclusive and closed her salon. It wasn’t quite Sunset Boulevard, she had no intention of turning into Norma Desmond but as she had grown older the games seemed less interesting. There was a monthly check from prudent investments and a law firm that was adequate protection from those who would take advantage of the elderly with money. Aside from that she had her own interests and was quite happy to pursue her own quiet hobbies.

Occasionally she was remembered. An author had once written her into a novel that was famous for a day. As the years went on the interest in the real woman behind the literary ingénue waned. While she had indeed been young when she’d had the affair with the author she’d never been innocent and naive as she’d been portrayed. In fact she’d been a little ruthless in her youth and did what she had to in order to get where she was. She’d never responded to requests for interviews before why should she respond to this one? Maybe she was just bored.

When she’d been the Belle of the social whirl she’d had a staff to take care of the mundane things like responding to inquiries. It wasn’t like she didn’t know how, she maintained a brisk correspondence with other philatelists some of whom received messages with more detail than discussion of stamps. She would mention the weather at the summer cottage or even describe a shopping adventure in the city. William Dunham doctoral student in English literature at Columbia University was going to receive more she planned to give him the interview of a lifetime. Friends who had known her in the wicked old days would have shivered a little bit at the chuckle that accompanied the stroke of the send button on that invitation.

Billy Dunham was in the library when he received the invitation. He was the kind of scholar that lived inside books. His roommates had no idea why he was so excited. For them Kathleen Millay was a dry name from history that wasn’t very interesting despite the research Billy showed them and the articles others had written about her. All one of them managed was:

“She was pretty hot in a bikini.”

Billy became a little nervous when he arrived at the Côte des Neiges. The huge apartment block had an elaborate bronze gate with an actual doorman who felt it was necessary for Billy to stand in the cold while he verified that he was in fact an authorized guest. It was the kind of place that only the very wealthy could afford to live in and one beyond the dreams of a poor student. Once inside the doorman keyed the elevator and Billy rose to the level of Madame Millay’s foyer.

It was strange after having to pass through the bronze gate and into the ornate atrium of the Côte des Neiges to find himself in another private lobby in front  of Madame Millay’s apartment. He rang the doorbell and heard a pleasant chime from inside and then halting uncertain footsteps. Locks clicked and the door opened and there stood Kathleen Millay. Not an old woman at all but youthful and raven haired. She would actually be pretty hot in a bikini.

“Hey are you Billy? I’m Kathy Millay.”

“Kathleen Millay? The one who Gustave Vuze wrote about in Lost Songs?”

“Poor Gustave he’s such a bore.  I really shouldn’t have led him on.”

How could this be? Kathleen Millay was well into her second century yet this Kathy Millay who was standing there chatting with Billy about people and things he’d studied was no older than he was.

He frantically ran through the facts in his head. He could remember no children or even nieces or nephews that could have had a child who was the doppelganger of the Kathleen Millay he’d studied.

“Who……who are you?” He stuttered at last

The girl laughed at him. “Who do you think I am?”

“You look exactly like Kathleen Millay but you can’t be her. You can’t be older than twenty two.”

“That’s so sweet. I’m actually twenty five. ” She took Billy’s arm and lead him to a comfortable sofa. “We’ll be comfortable here.” She purred seductively.

They had hardly settled in, Billy was flustered with her closeness and the intimate way she was acting, when Kathy jumped startled.

“I thought I saw someone else!” She said sounding frightened.

Billy looked around. Truthfully he’d had eyes for nobody but the woman next to him and a herd of elephants could have passed by without his notice.

“Ghosts I suppose” Kathy said, “I’m a little bit psychic you know. Every once in a while I see echoes of things that once were.”

Billy was having a hard time concentrating. He had dated a few women but they’d been meek little bookworms like himself. Nothing like this beautiful woman next to him. There was a tray with caviar on the table in front of them. Something else Billy wasn’t familiar with.

“Oh dear I don’t imagine they serve caviar with the blue chicken and fish sticks in a student cafeteria.” Kathy said with a smile. “Here you use this special mother of pearl spoon so the metal doesn’t taint the taste.” She spooned some on a cracker and offered it to him.

Billy was swiftly forgetting the myriad of questions that he’d prepared in light of the ravishing beauty before him. It had to be some practical joke. There was some trick here and the real Kathleen Millay was hiding behind a curtain manipulating the image of herself like the great and powerful Oz once had in the Wizard of Oz. Billy actually looked around for a curtain.

“What’s wrong?” Kathy asked. “You’re looking so pale don’t you want to make love?”

“Make love?”

“You know; laying pipe, riding the love machine, the horizontal mambo.”

“What? I came for an interview.”

At this Kathy’s eyes rolled upward and her limp body sprawled forward onto his. Billy struggled for his cell phone to call 911 but he had no idea what he’d say. A woman he’d thought to be over a hundred was actually a girl who’d fainted after propositioning him.

I’m afraid you’ll not find any reception in here. It’s one of the Perks of living in the Côte des Neiges. Rasped a rough voice behind Billy.

“Who are you?” Billy asked as the woman limped into view

“The question you should be asking is: “Who is she?” I am Madame Kathleen Millay.”

“Who is she?”

“She’s my dark secret.” Said the old woman settling into a chair. “Would you like to hear her story?”

“What are you talking about?”

“The source of my fortune, the dark secret that sponsored Kathleen Millay’s rise to power.”

Billy looked at her in amazement. What could she be talking about? None of this made any sense. There had been no hint of it in his study of her.

“I’m a little too old to be embarrassed by past indiscretions. Have you ever heard of the Electric Mothers?”

Billy blushed, every boy had a fantasy of a love doll but puritanical laws had outlawed erotic machinery. There was only one loophole, machines designed to gestate and nurture a child. They were fabulously expensive since the technology of an artificial womb was so much more complex than a mere sex toy. Only the wealthy could purchase them which kept the ordinary citizens chaste while letting the wealthy do what they would since they would anyway.”

“I sold twelve eggs. In essence I whored myself out twelve times since the manufacturers were more concerned with how I looked and my charming personality than my ability to be a mother.”

“You have twelve children?” Billy asked amazed touching the slumped Kathy that was still seated on the couch.

“No, only one. Some fool of an asteroid miner was the only one who took the mother part seriously. The rest I’ve spent a fortune on and destroyed. This is the last one she’s never been out of the box. A collector’s item I’ve only just obtained.”

Billy looked back and forth between the two women. Reality was the wrinkles and varicose veins yet the younger woman was a perfect copy of what Kathleen had been. Billy could see the likeness.

“I’ve killed myself eleven times.” Don’t you think I should do it one last time?” Kathleen asked Billy producing a rather large hand gun.

“No please don’t. She’s so beautiful.”

“Have I really grown that ugly then?” Kathleen pointed the gun at the younger versions temple.

“No you are beautiful too.” Billy blushed again, it was true.

“What am I going to do with the world’s innocents like you. You deserve a long interesting life. That’s what I’ll curse you with.”

“Please, don’t hurt her.”

“Why? She’s only a machine with my image and memories.”

“I think I’m losing my mind.”

“Get out you young fool.” She commanded and he fled the apartment.

He hadn’t quite reached the elevator when there was a loud bang from behind him. Madame Kathleen Millay had committed suicide for the twelfth time. Billy wondered whose footsteps he heard moving around behind the locked door. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

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Where have all the porn stars gone? According to Everclear they’re all Volvo driving soccer moms. The web site Porn Stars: Where are they now has a more realistic outlook. For every performer like Jenna Jameson there’s a lot more that end up in misery after their looks faded and the quick money wasn’t there anymore. There’s also a rather long list of deceased performers . That list is where it gets interesting, there are persistent rumors that some porn stars have faked their own death to get away from the stigma of having appeared in hardcore XXX.

Despite books like: How to Disappear Completely and Never be Found it’s hard to fake your own death in this modern computerized society. Corporations have little sense of humor about their debt slaves skipping out and State and Federal government will go to even more insane lengths to collect small amounts of owed taxes. Take Corey Taylor from Chicago for example. After discovering the only way to break his cell phone contract with Verizon was to die he had a friend fax in a death certificate. Verizon spent thousands of dollars to prove Corey was alive in order to collect the $175.00 fee.

Porn stars are different though. They all have industry established aliases. Jizzica Simpson might be known for performing the Four Line Nollie Gymnast Plant but she’s really Mabel Glutz who bakes cookies and cries at romantic movies. Mabel would have Verizon after her if she tried to disappear, Jizzica is only a press release away from having a fatal automobile accident. Only the most obsessed fan is going to go looking for death certificates and other proof of death. If you don’t owe money and are off the official grid nobody else but those obsessed fans is going to care.

Bettie Page was able to leave pinups and paraphila behind by just wiping off the makeup and changing her hairstyle. Brandy Alexandre tried that; after surviving her smut career she went back to her original occupation as secretary. Brandy wasn’t really trying to hide, she’d once

appeared on People’s Court where Judge Wapner denied her claim for pain and suffering in a breakup. She had gotten a job as the executive secretary to the head of Forest Lawn and was a model employee till a cyber stalker informed her employers they had a former Porn Queen working for them. Brandy had more luck suing Forest Lawn than she did with Judge Wapner but she’s also now an advocate that a performer never be referred to by their real name unless they reveal it themselves.

Lori Michaels

Ex-Vivid girl Lori Michaels died of a heart defect in 2007. Her lawyer announced that Lori’s estate left 3.7 million to her three nieces and one nephew. Lori didn’t fake her death in a believable way, within days the internet was exploding with speculation that she was still alive. Look, they said, she’s still appearing in swinger magazine ads and of course all her work was only a Google search away. Finally she gave up and posted this on the internet: “I disappeared and live by myself mainly because some of my best fans turned into really weirdos and started stalking me. And I don’t dance at some club called Baby Dolls. God, you guys love to make up shit, don’t you.”  She wasn’t dead at all but she sure sounds pissed.

Tawnee Stone

There’s another twist too. Both Tawnee Stone and Hypatia Lee were declared dead to boost the value of their memorabilia films. Tawnee, who charitably could be described as looking like a “twelve year old with breasts”, Is alive and well tweeting on twitter trying her best to be a Volvo soccer mom. There was a detailed description of Hypatia’s involvement with the faked death scam on her Wikipedia page, she may or may not be guilty but she’s definitely alive and well. It doesn’t take much to figure out the guys making money off these films, royalties are almost unknown, will stoop to anything to make another buck.

Moana Pozzi

Then there’s the curious case of Moana Pozzi. In 1991 Pozzi published Moana’s Philosophy where she graded twenty famous celebrities who’d been her lovers. Robert De Niro and Harvey Keitel were on there as were soccer players like Paulo Roberto Falcão and Marco Tardelli. Most telling was that one of  Moana’s most famous lovers was Bettino Craxi the actual Prime Minister of Italy. Did Moana use her her contacts to disappear in some variation of the Witness Protection Program? It’s unusual for someone to die suddenly of liver cancer without decades of alcoholism or  hepatitis. No funeral ceremony took place and no obituaries were posted. Rumors flew that she was living in the United States or India and in 2004 the court of justice of Rome opened a new file to discover if she was dead or alive. Their findings were inconclusive but they would be if the job was done professionally.

Despite having been spotted almost everywhere Elvis has most emphatically left the building. Andy Kaufman was obsessed with the idea of faking his own death but he too missed his triumphant return date in 2004 so it’s fairly certain he’s dead too. There’s still hope though for that lady or gent that beguiled you when you were fourteen and curious. Maybe he or she  just took a long swim as one person and returned to the beach as another. Let’s all hope there’s a few more Volvo driving soccer moms instead of sad statistics.

Where do all the porn stars go
When the lights go down?
I think I know where all the porn stars go
They all become Volvo-driving soccer moms

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The Superficial Gallery

What can I say about this wretched hive of scum and villainy? I’m not sure, suddenly I discovered I was a writer there. Never joke with Acadia he puts you to work.

Ok folks remember that the SG is an adult site so don’t go there if you’re easily offended. There will be nudity, sarcasm and adult themes. In my posts I talk about space toilets, murder mansions and how our favorite singing cowboy stuffed poor Trigger. If that’s your cup of tea click away and enjoy. Comment on the articles too. Acadia gets a big thrill when there are comments and he remembers to feed the writers when you do.

Trigger is for Sale – Roy Rodgers life is up for auction

File it under Just Wrong – Racism in the world today

We can rebuild you Steve Austin – The ultimate makeover show

The Seat is Up – More than you’d ever want to know about toilets

Hot Dog it’s a dog doll – Sex toys for dogs. What?

It’s a Bar Bet – Amaze your drunken friends

X-Ray Visions – The world would be different if those glasses actually worked

The Internet Pyramid – Healthy surfing based on the classic food pyramid

Stop Surfing and Go Outside – Well if you missed it because you were online you’re boned now.

Super Acadia and Evangeline – Yes Vange is that hot!

Row-Row-Row Your Boat – Long distance ocean rowing. Why?

Cast your vote for Wyclef Jean – Haiti, you know there’s a Cholera epidemic there right now.

Let’s join the parade – I’d like to feel warm and safe enough to ride in a parade nude

Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye – Eyball tattoos, now that’s extreme

Live from a sun drenched beach near you – The perfect tan

It’s too hot to be funny – Soon it will be too cold to be cogent

This book we call Face – More rambling about me than actually talking about Facebook.

Fish Sticks Fish Sticks eat them up yum – Who else would write about fish sticks?

Crazy Eddies Celestial Real Estate – Buy know while the property values are low.

Built for Murder – The Chicago fun house of death. To real to be a movie.

So long Cathy – Acks Cathy is pregnant. I knew it

Commie Candy Plot foils army – Dentists steal candy from the trick or treaters and send it to the Armed Services.

Superficial Movies


Resident Evil: Afterlife

The owls of Ga’hoolie

Let me In

Wicked little Things

The Legend of Hell House

Movie Moments of Fear – Movies that scared me not your ordinary Horror scares

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The Tower

She sits in the tower looking out over the forest. The leaded glass windows are open trying to catch a bit of breeze since it’s a humid summer morning. You can tell she’s a princess since you don’t lock up an ordinary girl in a tower and she’s very beautiful but she’s wearing a sturdy pair of canvas pants and the tawny hair on her head looks like it has been chopped at with wool shears. She is soaking her feet in a tub of warm water looking at them ruefully. Despite the lemon scented salts they had become rough from all the tramping about in the forest without shoes on. It was really too much. She had asked for a sturdy pair of shoes from the wizard uncounted times and all that was sent was delicate silk slippers.

The dragon was sleeping in the courtyard below. You had to have a dragon to guard a princess in a tower yet the old girl was half blind and barely roused herself to snack on a goat occasionally. In the beginning the princess had crouched in terror at the top of her tower fearing fire blasts if she ventured outside but then she realized that if she didn’t go out and fetch wood and water there would be no fire in the fireplace and water in the bath. From there she had started exploring far beyond the meadow all the way to the salt marsh and the little islands one could swim out to and take a little holiday on the sand.

She has been fishing. Bon bons and larks tongues were all well and fine but the belly did rumble if all you ever ate were delicacies so she caught fish and dried them on a rack so there would be something in the pantry. She also collects nuts in the forest and has pried the door of the armory open. Among all the rusty bits of armor she has found a serviceable bow and hopes to add some venison to her menu soon.

She likes being alone. It’s much better than living in a palace. It’s been a lovely day and she’s done exactly what she wanted and there were no slack jawed yokels hanging around hoping to marry into the royal treasury.

“It’s not like I don’t want a man to snuggle with you know.” she said to the air.

“Well you’re a princess and some hero prince has to come rescue you.” the air responded

“I don’t have any say in this whole thing? Just how long am I supposed to pine away here before Prince Charming shows up?”


“You sound like we’re on a trip to the seaside and I’m an impatient child.”

“Look it’s part of the story.”

“I like it here. Maybe I’ll go find an outlaw and write myself into a different story.”

“You’re a princess you should act like one and not run around getting sun tans and muscles.”

“Anyone that find his way to this god forsaken desolate forest is going to appreciate a woman with muscles. You don’t see any peasant girls flouncing around in sun bonnets.”

“It’s a magic wood.”

“Oh come on just how clichéd can this get?”

“A great wizard has captured you and put you in the middle of a magic forest for the hero to quest around in before he finds you.”

“Oh bother some beefy lunk-head with a big sword is out having fun and games with all sorts of dungeons and quests and I’m the big prize at the end aren’t I.”

“Well you’re an attractive woman what man wouldn’t want to quest and adventure for you?”

“What if I want someone reliable. A sensitive guy I can talk to? Make one of the quests writing a love poem to the princess or something.”

“You really are starting to get difficult.”

“I didn’t ask to be the big reward for winning the bonus round. Heck you don’t even know my name do you? I bet none of the big muscle bound idiots are even making it through the dark wood of seven enchantments.”

“It’s Fleur the treasure of Merryholme.”

“Are you serious? Do I have to go change my name to Fleur now or is it even that important?”

“Look the hero is going to find you and you’re going to fall in love. That’s the way these things work.”

“Out here in the middle of one of the most diabolical magical forests ever conceived of?”

“I admit some of the puzzle traps and dungeons are quite brilliant.”

“Can’t I be the wicked Queen or something? They have a lot of fun.”

“Not you’re going to meet the hero in the woods after his last challenge and nurse him back to health.”

“How about wicked witch. I could have flying monkeys.”

“You don’t have green skin or warts you’re a beautiful princess.”

“I could have one of those really tight black dresses with lots of cleavage. I could bend over and gaze into my crystal ball like this.”

“Stop that you’re chaste and virginal.”

“I haven’t been virginal for quite a long time now. There was that handsome equerry…”

“Will you stop that you’re about as subtle as a freight train.”

“There’s a dragon down in the courtyard you’re not supposed to know what a freight train is.”

“Will you just stop it!”

“You’re one of those misogynists aren’t you. I bet you’re imagining me in a chain mail bikini with a little wispy bit of leather covering my naughty bits. There’s probably a secret room around here with my magical armor in it.”

“No it’s in the………….Hey!”

“I don’t want to be in this stupid game anymore.”

“You don’t have a choice.”

“There are bears in the woods that will eat you if you try to run away.”

“Oh that’s really cheap. I bet you get hit by a lightning bolt or something if you try to go into unfinished areas too.”

“There are even more dangerous monster in the deep woods.”

“Oh bollocks if you don’t have a head of wood you can just avoid all the rabid squirrels. What person in their right mind goes poking around in a dungeon. It’s a dark hole in the ground full of dangerous monsters. Just walk around it.”

“You won’t get far.”

“You just watch.”

She gathers up the bow and ties a bundle to the sturdy spear she’s found. The heart of oak shaft will make a good walking staff and the blade is razor sharp. On the way out she opens the door of the goat pen so the dragon will have something to eat and then walks down the path to the edge of the woods. Soon she is out of sight of the tower on her way to her own adventures.

“Now I have to find a new princess.” The voice in the air grumbles but nobody is listening anymore.

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A small gallery

I find myself doing so many experiments lately that I’ll just open a page for ones that have no specific project related to them

Zombie Keasha looks happy

This did not give me the oil paint style I wanted but the girls are cute.

This is Super Acadia and Evangeline. Acadia looks good and Vange does all the work.

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Cowboy and the Razor Girl

Cyberpunk by Patrick. I wanted to work the bike in too but it’s busy as is. The top is the second version with things more to patrick’s liking but I’m missing a lot of details he wanted.

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A Blue Kitten for Nikki

A little bit of an old fashioned illustrated magazine look for Rain and the Blue Kitten

I’m trying to see if I can still do subjects that other people come up with. This one is cheating a little bit since Nikki just said her story about an imaginary kitten was blue. I’ll try to change it up once I get more info but this is what I’d do if I just had blue kitten.

Rain and her Grampy sans Blue Kitty

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