“I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”
When does your day start? Officially it’s midnight but for most people it’s when they get up and blearily start shuffling around. It doesn’t matter for me. When I turned on my reading lamp before going to bed the very expensive, environmental, ghastly white, fluorescent light bulb started spitting and popping. Great I have to worry about glowing red wires for the rest of the night while I’m sleeping like the dead due to the expensive, awful tasting, very large, pills I take before going to bed.
Charlotte decided to wake me up at four o’clock. It’s dawn and the, I slept all day because it was hot, dog is full of energy. I’m up early let’s do some laundry. Oh yeah I have to crawl down in the basement to turn on the water line while I’m doing the laundry because the pipe broke. On the way into the back room something catches on the kerosene lamp. SMASH the glass chimney is in thousands of little pieces on the floor. I’m trapped barefoot in the hall, on the other side of the glass. Fun, It takes about a month for a cut on my feet to heal more if it’s a big one. I end up using a pair of my shorts to brush away the glass. Only after I do this do I think what happens when you put these on and there are glass shards stuck in em?
Sweeping done I realize that I haven’t seen the metal base to the lamp. It’s under the stove leaking Kerosene. I’m going to smell kerosene after my sinuses clear up. It’s soaked into the pine of the wall. Didn’t I just see a Rescue Me where the house burns down because a kerosene lamp hit the floor? It’s too hot to use the dryer by now. It’s too hot to take the dog to the store either. I get those awful yipping noises as I get into the truck. I envision what my bed looks like after charlotte has been on it trying to look out the window. The truck won’t start. This isn’t a dead battery or anything like that. It’s, I’m going to start when I feel like it. It starts two minutes later but now I have to worry about being stuck in a parking lot if it won’t start there.
There’s an odd noise as I get out on the pavement. I caught something in the undercarriage on the way out through the jungle. I get light headed on the way into the store. I’m still recovering from being sick. I’m glad I don’t pass out but I’m sitting on the old man’s bench inside the store like I’m a hundred. I overspend my budget in the store. I don’t have enough for the dog cookies. I have to use the emergency credit card for the $1.99. So much for the ban on using the credit card. Oh shit did I pay that? I feel like the guy on Rescue Me who gave his life savings to the con artist whore every time I look at the credit card. Yeah I definitely have to stop watching that show it’s depressing.
I get home and put the groceries away. I log onto the game. It’s an escape zone. The Army guys start talking about their tribute songs. I remember It’s a Wonderful World by Satchmo is mine. I’m feeling all sorry for myself and a lot of QQ drama pops up and people start quitting the guild. I work hard trying to keep all that together. Am I going to start to have to run the raids now too? I wish Kim was there but she’s on a beach somewhere. I apologize for being a crappy guild master and log out because Charlotte is having a heat stroke or something.
She’s got cool water in her bowl but she’s panting like a locomotive. Black furry dogs are not meant for summer heat. She’s upset because I’m upset and I’m dammed if I’m going to kill my dog because I’m having a bad day so we go swimming. Swimming for charlotte involves chasing frogs around the edge of the pond and getting covered in algae mud. Her fur is going to stink for a week I’ll have to hose her off. Oh shit I forgot to turn off the broken fitting, it runs the hose and the washing machine. It’s been spraying water all over the crawl space all day.
Wet smelly dog gets most of my sandwich. My stomach isn’t up to anything even plain turkey. I go to turn on the internet. Great I’ve been kicked off the internet. Money is tight and I’ve left that bill too long. Out comes the emergency credit card again. It’s the American way to rob peter to pay paul. I go to get a drink of water. I’ve left the expensive no fat hamburger in the sink when I unpacked the groceries. I stick in the refrigerator. Maybe if I make meatloaf.
Out on the porch with Charlotte to enjoy the breeze. It’s great. The house is made of logs so it retains heat long into the cool of the evening. The breeze is great but it’s off the land. Ten thousand mosquitoes! Charlotte thinks that Off bug spray is very smelly and objects to daddy being coated in it. She tries to lick the poison off. Fantastic this is almost as good as trying to eat the mouse bait. Did I mention the mouse that died under the refrigerator? I’m too weak to pull it out so it’s stinky. With my luck I’d get it out and discover it’s somewhere else. Probably eating the wires.
Back on the internet. Apparently they talked about me on Podcaturday. I hope it was good. I promised that I’d post at least thirty days on the blog. Have to write something. Pink Cupcakes. Argh I’m locked out of wordpress and it won’t take my password. Have I been hacked? Get a new password sent right away. That took will anyone read something about pink cupcakes? At least it’s rolling on toward midnight and a new day.
12:32 Jenny Beans “You always write such vivid, beautiful poetry. This was so romantic, it made me want to climb up into the stars and lie down for a spell with my love.”
Wow what a great compliment for a romantic poem. It’s going to be a good day.